What Is Empathy and Why Is It Important?

Have you ever had one of those days when you just needed someone to talk to, someone to really get how you were feeling? Have you ever felt totally misunderstood by your spouse or a friend? Well, if you have, you were more than likely needing a dose of empathy.

Feeling heard and understood is a human need. Everyone needs to feel understood. Empathy helps us get in touch with our feelings and gives us an emotional understanding of ourselves and others.

Empathy is crucial skill in every relationship
Can Empathy Be Learned?

Feeling understood is not only a basic human need but it is also how we connect, help, and support one another. If we can’t recognize someone in pain, how can we support them? If we are unable to accept and empathize with our own emotions, it is difficult to be present to people around us. And for this reason, empathy is crucial for our interconnectivity.

The good news is that like other emotional intelligence (or EQ) skills, empathy can be learned and practiced. Unlike IQ or the genes you inherited from your parents, we can apply ourselves and develop a greater understanding and know-how in relating to our own and others’ feelings. And we can even extend this type of compassionate empathy virtually, which helps bridge the distance or separation we may feel.

For a hands-on workbook to learn to empathize, identify when we slip into using feeling stoppers, and how to respond empathetically, check out our online store.
Extending empathy and compassion virtually
What Does Empathy Mean? 4 Qualities that Describe Empathy

In the book, “Born for Love,” authors Maia Szalavitz and Bruce D. Perry, MD, PhD describe empathy this way: “The essence of empathy is the ability to stand in another’s shoes, to feel what it’s like there. Your primary feelings are more related to the other person’s situation than your own.”

This quote is very key. If we are filled with our own reactions or pain, it is nearly impossible to see or feel what it’s like from another’s experience because their emotions will set off a chain reaction of our own unresolved emotions. So one of the first keys of empathy is to be aware of our own emotions. It is only with this awareness that we can be present to another.

In the article, “Brené Brown on Empathy vs Sympathy,” by Psychology Today, the four qualities of empathy are outlined as:

1) to be able to see the world as others see it
2) to be nonjudgmental
3) to understand another’s feelings
4) to communicate your understanding of that person’s feelings